Supporting Cross-Cultural Couples to Connect and Grow

2025年11月29日 2025年11月29日村上法子

村上法子

At Kuretakeshinri Counseling, Osaka Sumiyoshi, I offer counseling in English as well as Japanese.
This year, I have received many sessions from people living in Japan with foreign backgrounds, as well as couples in international relationships and international marriages.
Clients who visited me came from various countries. the U.S., the U.K., Australia, Canada, Hungary, the Philippines, Taiwan, China, and more.

Here’s the breakdown of the couples I worked with:
・Japanese wife × non-Japanese husband: 60%
・Japanese husband × non-Japanese wife: 40%
I work in both Japanese and English depending on what feels most comfortable for each person.

Even though every couple is unique, there are some common themes that often appear. These aren’t only about cultural differences — they’re also about values, expectations, and how two people build their relationship together.

Common topics I hear from international couples:

・Communication gaps caused by language and cultural differences
・Parenting styles (language use at home, routines, family rules, etc.)
・Emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, and how couples stay connected
・Different expectations about household responsibilities
・Differences in emotional expression
・Stress related to living in Japan and navigating daily life and support systems

Here’s what these differences often look like in real life:

① Communication gaps
・“Reading the air” vs direct communication
・Feeling pressured to “adjust to Japan” or follow unspoken rules
・Holding back real feelings out of duty or fear of conflict
・Getting stuck because language makes it hard to express yourself fully
・Thinking “we live together, so eventually they’ll understand”
・Or, “If you want to understand me, you should study my language”

② Household responsibilities and roles
・Feeling like the Japanese partner must be the one who “supports” everything
・Marriage as “roles and duties” vs marriage as “partnership and shared decisions”

③ Parenting and ideas about independence
・How long the child should continue sleeping in the parents’ bedroom
・“The earlier the independence, the better” vs “Children grow independent when they feel safe and supported”

What I’ve noticed as a counselor
I was once in an international marriage when I was younger, so sometimes I hear stories in sessions that bring back memories.
What I feel strongly now is this:
It’s important not to simply tell yourself, “Well, we’re from different countries, so it can’t be helped,” and close the lid on your feelings.　Healthy relationships grow when two people try to understand each other’s values and make small adjustments in everyday life.

When couples gently share the deeper feelings underneath the surface, they can go beyond the idea of “He’s like this because he’s ○○,” and meet the personal values behind the cultural layer —the family your partner grew up in, what your partner believes in, how your partner shows love, and the quiet struggles your partner has been carrying.

Sometimes, this means giving each other time and space to face difficult emotions.　But little by little, understanding each other becomes a new step forward in the relationship.

How I support couples in sessions
As a counselor, here are the principles I value and practice:
・I stay neutral, without judging cultural differences as “right or wrong.”
・I create a space where each person can safely express themselves in the language they feel most comfortable in.
・I help explore why each person feels the way they do, and “translate” cultural or value-based differences into clearer understanding for both sides.
・I support couples in talking through the small everyday differences that actually create a sense of safety.
・I help create a shared “common language” where both partners feel heard.
・When needed, I offer individual sessions so each person can work through their own themes at their own pace.

My hope is to help couples understand each other’s feelings and values step by step, and move toward the next chapter of their relationship together.

I believe that international relationships can be a wonderful opportunity to rediscover the beauty of each partner’s culture and identity.
If I can support couples in building a warm, healthy connection that carries into their future—and their children’s future—I would be truly grateful.

I also hope to share more stories like these — about international couples, and about people with foreign backgrounds living in Japan — from time to time in this blog☺